.png)
You know that nagging, little voice in your head?
The one that gets really loud and repetitive whenever you try to edge outside of your comfort zone, and always seems to find the absolute worst in every (real and imagined) situation?
Yep, that would be your inner critic.
In this blog post I want to address the dangers of giving that voice too much "air time", and what you can do to counter its limiting beliefs and harmful effects.
Your Lifelong Companion
One thing you will have to make peace with, first and foremost, is that your inner critic will always be there.
No matter how much inner work you do,
no matter how emotionally resilient you become,
your inner critic goes where you go.
But that's not a bad thing, per se.
Because at its core, your inner critic has good intentions.
And if you look closely, you'll see that it likes to take on several roles.
Types Of Roles
Gatekeeper "Thinking of stepping outside of your comfort zone? Hold it right there."
Protector "I just want what's best for you. I don't want you to get hurt again..."
Judge "You really suck at that. You should give up before you embarrass yourself."
At it's core, what your inner critic truly wants is to keep you safe. And to try and keep you safe, it will use any means possible.
Types Of Criticism
Criticism Of Self Underlying message: "I'm not good enough" Accompanied by: self-doubt, guilt, shame, etc.
Criticism Of Others Underlying message: "They're not good enough" Accompanied by: frustration, distrust, resentment, etc.
Criticism Of Circumstances Underlying message: "This is not good enough" Accompanied by: disappointment, resignation, stress, etc.
Take a moment to check in with yourself:
Which type of criticism does your inner critic resort to most often?
What are the critical thoughts that are on a loop in your mind?
What are the emotions that usually accompany these thoughts?
The Value Of Difficult Emotions
Have you noticed how each type of criticism your inner critic uses is accompanied by an array of not-so-fun emotions?
The question is... how long do you need to sit with those difficult emotions to process that information, and follow it up with intentional action towards positive change?
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
You've likely heard the term "self-fulfilling prophecy" before:
"The psychological phenomenon of someone 'predicting' or expecting something, and this 'prediction' or expectation coming true simply because the person believes or anticipates it will, and the person's resulting behaviors align to fulfill the belief."
You see, despite its good intentions, our inner critic tends to be a little over-protective.
So much so, that as hard as it's trying to protect you from pain, it ironically kinda guarantees pain.
For example, you're too insecure to apply for that new role that just opened up in your company. Your inner critic is convinced you're not qualified and applying would just result in the pain of rejection.
We gotta avoid that!
So, you don't apply to any new jobs to avoid the pain of rejection... You don't challenge your inner critic's limiting belief that you are not qualified, and miss out on all these opportunities of self-development and progress.
Instead, you stay in a role that keeps you miserable and unfulfilled, believing your inner critic's limiting belief that this is the best you can do -- a.k.a. settling for the pain of stagnation.
If you were to take every single thing your inner critic tells you as the undeniable truth, what do you think the consequences would be?
Possible Consequences
Again, keep in mind that your inner critic means well. Some warning messages it gives you may well be worth looking into and acting on to protect yourself.
That being said, taking every critical and judgmental thought your inner critic voices as the truth can have quite harmful consequences, including (but not limited to):
Missed opportunities
Damaged relationships
Impaired self-image
Poor (mental, emotional, physical) health
As they say, the road to hell can be paved with (your inner critic's) good intentions.
What Can You Do?
You might be thinking, "Well, that's fantastic. My own worst enemy lives in my head, AND you're telling me I can't get rid of them?!"
Well, that is true... but trust me when I say you're not defenseless against your inner critic's over-protective ways.
Here's a few impactful strategies I work on with my clients, AND that I use to manage my own inner critic. (It's sassy and relentless, you have no idea.)
1) Become Aware Of Your Inner Critic
Pay attention and notice which thoughts aren't your own, but your inner critic's.
Recognize when their voice is triggered, and acknowledge that it's trying to protect you.
Is there something useful in its warnings, or is it overprotective and holding you back?
2) Whose Voice Is It, Really?
Sometimes personifying the voice of our inner critic helps to detach yourself from it, because often times its voice is not our own.
It may be the voice of a strict parent, an abusive old boss, or an unsupportive teacher you had growing up.
Personifying it can make it easier to manage your relationship with it, too.
3) Connect To Your Inner Leader
In Co-Active coaching we believe the counter-part of your inner critic is your inner leader.
Your inner leader is that part of you that wholeheartedly believes in you, that's got dibs on your full potential, that's got your back and wants to guide you towards ultimate fulfillment -- no questions asked.
We all have an inner leader. Often times it just get silenced by the loud chatter of the inner critic, external pressures, deep-rooted insecurities, etc.
You can strengthen the connection with your inner leader by doing your inner work, exploring your values and life purpose, and taking intentional action that aligns with them.
4) Hire A Coach For Support
Doing the inner work is no easy feat, I know...
As much as modern society will have you believe "It's every (wo)man for themselves," you don't have to do it alone.
The first 30-minute discovery chat with me is complimentary, so don't hesitate to book a session and learn more about how coaching can help you manage your inner critic's limiting beliefs.
If you feel a pull to give it a try, but your inner critic is telling you that it's a bad idea (for whatever reason)...
Ask your inner leader for their take on it instead.
What do they have to say?